Life As A Failed Writer

Having some breathing time, writing wise, now that nano’s over means I am currently stuffing myself with as many books as possible.
I am a woman famished for reading, shocking my boyfriend by keeping the TV off in the evening in favour of reading as much as possible. Its all been rather nice really, it turns out that when I’m not watching Criminal Minds or similar he’ll happily sit with me instead of retreating upstairs.
I’ve been looking forward to starting 1Q84, but on Monday morning I decided that, having had a hiatus from reading, I should allow myself to settle back into it with something a little shorter.
So, I picked Player One from the shelf, and promptly left for the bus stop.
Once I had boarded and taken my seat I opened the book to the first page, and began reading. I changed to a train, and resumed reading. At lunchtime I stayed in the office so I could get a bit more in, on the journey home I almost missed my stop, and in the evening dinner was very nearly forgotten.
On Tuesday evening the book was finished just in time for bed.
Can there be a better compliment for a book, then I picked it up and carried on with it until it was finished? It is all you need to say.
But I rarely stick to only what is needed, so I shall also tell you that it is about what happens when the price of oil suddenly goes up, and about the internet, and religion, and a sniper on the roof. It is a situation in which people must react to a crisis, showing people at their smartest and their lowest.
It is also disappointing, in the end, as everything gets wrapped up in one paragraph and we’re told briefly what will happen next. But, that aside, it quenched a thirst, and that was all I needed from it.

Having got to the hallowed 50k point in my nanowrimo story I find that, actually, I’m not really finished.
Sure, I hit my 50k on the 29th, validated my wordcount and in that sense wrote my novel, but I still need to write more, about another 30k more. So, there’s the question of whether I continue, and fill those gaps, or scrap it.
The latter is tempting, I wrote it in a rush afterall. I know the basic outline, but the structure as written is wrong. The story delves between the present and flashbacks of the characters pasts, and I’m pretty certain I haven’t pulled that off. The editing will be hell, in fact it will, mostly, be rewritten.
So, I’m asking myself now if I should carry on, write what’s needed and then tackle that, or delve straight into rewriting, a section at a time.
And the latter is the thing I feel most comfortable with. Section one is, actually, only half written anyway.
So, my first task, is section one. Finish what I have, and then rewrite into something that is of first draft quality.
I have seven sections, to complete. Getting this first one down is going to set the benchmark for just how long this will take.

I have about 5k left to write. 5k. And really I have to get it all out tonight, but that’s OK.
So, I’m on the bus, on my way to work, thinking about my 5k. It will far from finish my novel, but will get me to the position of winning nanowrimo and being able to sit back and breathe for a bit.
Its going to be a clock-watching kind of day.

Having abandoned the idea of 70k and reverting to the original plan of 50k I have now managed to reach 30k, for the second time.
On one hand I feel triumphant, but on the other I’m really just back to where I was a week and a half ago.
But all that aside, it gives me 6 days to write 20k. At the moment I’m averaging 4k a day, so I should be done by Tuesday. Still, I’m hopeful that I’ll polish that 20k off in Sunday, and have a few days to try and take myself a little further.
Wednesday is P and I’s anniversary, and I’ve asked him not to nerd that night, so either way if I can get this done and validated on Tuesday I shall be a happy Rosie. A Happy Rosie indeed.
In other news I have just discovered that it is possible to run in heels.

I’m looking forward to the moment when I no longer need to plan my life around nanowrimo, and can get back to fitting writing in, instead of fitting everything else in around it.

I enjoy writing, and I enjoy having a month where I have an excuse to prioritise it over everything else. But having potentially lost 33k (the jury is still out on that one) it feels infinitely harder to do anything else. I have a long to-do list today, of housework and wordsprinting. And no time this weekend to just do Rosie things.

It is a bit overwhelming, which leaves me instead sitting on the sofa thinking “argh, got to get things done, got to get things done” and not actually doing anything.

I’m aiming for 12 wordsprints today, which will take me four hours to complete, with breaks inbetween. One problem I have at the moment is I’m just not sure about the section I’m about to write. I know what the outcome of it is, but I’m not sure what comes before that. It’s mostly the motivation of the character that is the problem. I know what he’s doing, but the why is essential for starting it.

Brain not functioning today. Have attempted reboot to no avail. Cannot afford to lose writing days since DoHDD (day of harddrive destruction). For some reason I am watching Biggest Loser instead.
Watching people with a goal putting everything in to reach it, as procrastination from reaching mine.
70k feeling out of reach. 50k would equal 59 word sprints left instead of 84. Still, I will aim for 70k.

WS1: 871
WS2: 808
WS3: 958
WS4: 566 

My hard drive is with David. Fingers crossed he can do something with it. While I nervously wait I have managed some word sprints, although not the 6 I had planned for, but that’s fine.

I based my need for 88 on 800 words per wordsprint. I was below on one, but above enough on two others to bring my average up to 800.

I got below because, without my small, sturdy but not bouncy, netbook I am stuck using my macbook, with broken battery and magsafe. Magsafe means that the smallest knock pulls the powercable out. Great for stopping people tripping and dragging it to the floor for another hard drive failure, not so good when you don’t have a functioning battery and the darn things turn straight off again.

The other problem with the macbook is its running 10.4.11. And I’ve clicked update on programmes that require 10.5 or above. Upgrading from Leopard to Snow Leopard isn’t so expensive, neither from there to Lion. But from Tiger to Leopard? On Amazon its £140 quid. Which I don’t have.

Still, I can’t complain too much, this mac is 5 years old, and has outlived two windows netbooks in that time. That’s pretty good going.

4 down, 84 to go.

In the average post-work evening I can get 6 word sprints in.

But I’m discounting Mondays and Fridays, so I’m looking at 36.

Mondays and Fridays I’ll get two in, so that’s 8.

I think at the weekends I can get 12 in per day, and there are 4 weekend days. So that is 48.

If I stick to that I should be able to get it all done, with 4 I can miss.

I will chronicle my attempts here.

I dropped my netbook on the floor. It fell through my hands and settled on the kitchen floor with a loud and angry bang.

The hard drive is dead. There is a chance my friend can rectify this situation, but if not I will have lost 33,000 words I’ve written for NaNoWriMo, minus about 5k I have on Yarny. That’s right, the ML that told people to back up many many times this year didn’t follow her own advice and has lost pretty much everything, unless Weaver can perform a small miracle.

At the moment, for the sake of my mental health, I’m assuming he won’t be able to get it back, and working out how much NaNoWriMo I need to do to get my goal of 70k done.

It is approximately 88 20min wordsprints.